Oh The Places You'll Go

I haven't been in the mood to write lately. When I logged on to start this blog, I couldn't remember the password! At any rate, there are so many things filling my head right now I feel like I'm going to explode.

One of my favorite books of all time is by Dr. Suess, "Oh The Places You'll Go". Wow, does it sum up life and all the different stages you come across on your journey. I feel like that main character walking along my path and reaching all of these crazy places in life. I'm at an age where I have so much to look forward to, but at the same time, so much to look back on and learn from. The question is am I really learning from them?

I believe I've endured my fair share of heartache in this life. Have I learned from my past relationships or has it just hardened me? Furthermore, is that the lesson?

Just recently I had a talk with Keona and tried to get her to see the good in all situations. It's so easy to tell someone to do the right thing, but so very hard to practice it.

I think this is also why I haven't been in the mood to blog. I like telling stories and laughing about them, but lately, this isn't a "story"...it's my life and it's real.

I posted on FB the other day that I'm following the yellow brick road and I don't want any man lacking courage, brains or a heart to come with me. Right now, that is about the only thing I know. I know what I don't want, but I don't know what I do want?! I'm my own puzzle and the thing that is driving me the most crazy is I can't figure myself out. Given some time I have figured out and understood the most complex of things, but I've come across something that has me stuck and it's none other than me, myself and I.

There is a big divide in what I feel I need and what I feel I want. I cannot forget that I'm not only making decisions for me, but also for Keona. Sometimes, her needs and my wants are like oil and water. Together they possibly can enhance the flavor of life, but they really don't mix.

I'm a 37 year old single Mom that struggles every day just to get by. I've been hurt and scarred by every man that has ever touched my heart. I used to walk taller than my 5'3" frame and have an unbreakable spirit and confidence. Right now that spirit and confidence is playing hide and go seek with me and I'm finding it easier to just not play at all.

"And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done. You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind."

Mind Gumbo

I'm one of the last people left at work today. Usually we leave early before a holiday or 3 day weekend, but I'm left behind waiting to send out an important email. I can't send it out until another email gets sent out...so I'm just waiting.

When I have time on my hands, all sorts of thoughts and daydreams enter my mind. So, since I'm playing the waiting game I'm going to let it all out now! Lucky you! Ha!

The other day I meant to blog about the salad bar. I was making a salad at lunch and truly get mesmerized at what other people like. For instance, the gentleman ahead of me had a salad that looked similar to mine...baby greens, beets, kidney beans, garbanzo beans, carrots and then he went there...he covered the entire top of his large salad with bacon. I mean, a serious layer of bacon. The woman in front of him had a small container (you wouldn't believe how much you can stuff in there). One side she filled with croutons. The other side was filled with peaches, cottage cheese, sunflower seeds, raisins, cucumbers,red onion, broccoli, and cherry tomatoes. Then, she quickly closed the container so it wouldn't fall out. I wanted to throw up right then and there. Oh yeah, she also got ranch dressing. Blah!

So, earlier I'm sitting at my desk while my TV was on. All of a sudden I hear a familiar tune but a little different. "I like square butts and I cannot lie". WTF? It was a Burger King commercial. Burger King himself was rapping about square butts. They were promoting the new Sponge Bob toys in the kids' meals. At the end they show Luke and he says, "A booty's a booty". I wish this whole thing was a joke, but it's not. I forgot that I was going to look for the Burger King web site to complain about that inappropriate foolishness. LUKE songs, square butts and women dancing with boxes in their booties shouldn't be used to entice kids to go to Burger King for their meals with Sponge Bob. I can't even imagine the Sponge Bob folks being okay with that?! Ugh!

The other night I had the funniest conversation with a girlfriend. She's cold as ice. I have to love women that tell it like it is. She was dating a guy that was just a tad on the soft side...indecisive and insecure. She politely told him, "I'm bringing all the pussy this relationship can handle." Hahahahaha! I LOVE THAT. No shit, though. I've been accused of always liking the "bad boy", whatever that is, but I don't care if it's true. Bring it, take it, and own it. There is a line, though. Don't be crass or too arrogant. I can't stand that either. Many have called, but the chosen are few. Those few had that good balance. Cocky, but only enough to make you wonder, confident, but not arrogant and strong but knows I can melt him with my smile. Yeaaah!

I just stretched and realized I'm still sore from playing dodge ball on Tuesday. That is just awful. At some point in my life, I'll get back into a regular workout routine, but right now, there's more of me to love!

Lately, my mind has been on far away places. I'm so tired of living in Los Angeles. My mind, body and spirit are itching to let loose and be free. I can't stand it out here. Yes, we have beautiful weather and people, but it's such a shallow existence. If I'm going to struggle to "just get by" then why not do it on an island somewhere? I want to experience life and live...not run in a rat race. In the meantime, I'm sitting in my office with no windows, waiting to send out an important company wide email that nobody will get since they are gone, while my two cell phones are charging and my TV is turned to Tyra. I'm just going to keep my mind focused on my upcoming trip to Cabo...awwwww...can't wait!

Over The Edge

I just read a story about a 37 year old woman who handcuffed herself to her husband so she can have a conversation with him without him leaving. She changed the locks on the house and handcuffed herself to him while he slept on Monday night. She also bit him on the torso and the arms. He awoke and had to use a cell phone to call the police. When they arrived they heard his screams from inside.

Relationships are tough, especially when they end or when you feel the end is near. It's funny that I can feel that woman's pain. I've been desperate before. If that woman's husband is anything like Keona's Dad, then I can totally understand the need for the handcuffs! Sometimes there is no other way to get someone to STOP and LISTEN! I know better, though. I wouldn't handcuff myself to someone who is crazier than me!

I've taken the past year to get over my last relationship. That doesn't mean I was longing for the relationship to continue for the past year. I've just taken the past year to reevaluate my life and what I want out of a partner or future husband. The relationship with my ex really took it's toll on me, my heart, my feelings and my self esteem. Even though I knew the relationship needed to end, I wasn't the one to call it quits. He has since moved on and I can't help but to feel a bit of pistivity over it. I don't miss him. I don't reminisce over our relationship. I don't want him back. This is the confusing part to me. I'm still so incredibly bitter towards him. I usually think love and hate are two sides of the same coin, but in all honesty this is not the case. I guess I'm more or less upset that I didn't end the relationship on my terms. I spent so much time, energy AND money on him. When I noticed his relationship status change on Facebook (gotta love it) and the comment from his new "boo" I was angrier than I wanted to be. I felt slighted. I felt like he could use a swift kick in the fucken ass or hot knives to his eyes or at the very least spit in the face. Whoa. I don't even have these bitter feelings about Keona's father...why him? Why do I feel this way?

I guess I just can't stand feeling used...and that is what I feel...used. When he broke up with me, I felt like a good friend just turned his back on me...the ultimate betrayal. I was there for him like no other and he broke my heart. I feel his intentions were ill. I was even told his intentions were calculated. I guess I just answered my own question on why I feel this way.

I guess the old saying is true, though. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I have grown and learned so much since then and I know I will never be used again.

No handcuffs!

What a weekend

I have never in my life felt so tired and worn out from cooking than I did on Friday. The soreness in my arms woke me up out of my sleep Saturday morning. I had to take 4 Advil the second I woke up. Friggen cooking workout! With each job, I learn something new. Next time I have to remember to line my car with plastic in case of spills. I also didn't bring trash bags to the venue and they were needed.

Then, Saturday night I got deeeerunk and stayed up until 5:00 am. Miraculously, I didn't have a hang over on Sunday...just tired.

The best part of the weekend was spending time with baby Jacob yesterday. I'm in love with him. He's a little angel! Life is just truly amazing.

I did not count one single point this weekend, so it's back to the drawing board. I also haven't been in any writing mood...still working on my Lifetime To Do list!

So Little Time

I'm always clear about all the things I want to be in my next lifetime. I have so many interests and not enough time to explore them all. However, am I spending the time I do have wisely? What about this lifetime?? I know when I was younger I did not intend to be a single mother, HR associate who sometimes cooks and writes. Hmm...

Anyway, in my next lifetimes I want to be the following: a dolphin trainer, a scientist, a tennis pro, a rock star, a movie producer and/or director, a race car driver, an architect, a clothing designer, an art dealer, an avertising exec, a Mother of 6 in a house with 10 bedrooms and 13 bathrooms, a BMX pro, a surf pro, Miss Fitness, a socialite, a Vegas hotel/casino owner, a comedian, a NBA or NFL team owner, an American Idol, a man, and the President of the United States.

Phewwww! An old friend wrote on Facebook that she has accomplished the majority of the things she put on her list of things she'd like to do in her life. Why haven't I made such a list?! I can list all of the things I would like to be the next time around, but what about now?!

So, today is the day. I'm going to make a list of all the things I would like to do, see and experience. Some of them have already been acoomplished. Look out for the next post!

Babies

Babies are on my brain today. I have very good, close friends that are currently pregnant, but also I can't seem to escape this story about the woman who had 8 babies. I first learned of this woman because my good friend, Belkis, had her daughter at the same hospital. Bel's daughter was born prematurely and spent time in the nicu at the Bellflower Kaiser. She told me a little while ago there was a woman expecting 7 babies. The 8th ended up being a surprise.

I'm pms'ing (I know, TMI) so my mood is awful, but at the same time, this woman's story is pissing me off. This woman already has 6 kids at home ranging in ages from 8 on down. One of those kids is autistic. She is a SINGLE, 32 year old woman that lives in a 2 bedroom house with her parents. She apparently had the invitro done with money she received from a work-place accident. She has NO income and she spent the settlement money to make 8 more babies? Her Mother was quoted as saying her daughter has "always been obsessed with having children."

Today the public learned that she has enlisted a PR firm to represent her. The publicist claims this woman is college educated, articulate and very smart. Yeah, right. I believe that. The woman wants to become a "Parent Specialist" of some sort.

She is a selfish Bitch as far as I'm concerned. Why would she do this to those babies?! How can she possibly adequately care for 14 children without a Father and without an income?? If something happened to her, she will orphan 14 kids. It's a terribe thought, I know, but even I think about what would happen to Keona if I died?!

So, here it is...she is looking for a 2 million dollar deal for her story. Oprah and other media have contacted her to appear on their shows, but she wants to be paid. Now, I'm really pissed off. OF COURSE she wants to be paid...she has to. Is this why she did this dumb shit?!

A woman with 6 kids, no husband and no income can go over seas and get 8 embryos inplanted with money she was given due to an injury and what happens...she gets assistance, story deals and millions?! Insane!

There are millions of hard working, single mothers out here who don't get any notority, assistance or even a thank you. Nobody wants our story. Damn shame!

On another note, but still in baby thoughts...

I have to love Eryka Badu. Yesterday she gave birth to her 3rd child, a baby girl she named Twitty Milk. Twitty's Father is Jay Electronica...an up and coming rapper/writer/producer off of her label. Eryka's first son, Seven Sirius, is fathered by Andre 3000. Her second born daughter, Puma Sabti, is fathered by the D.O.C. Jeeeez! I thought I had a little somehting something for the rappers. This woman is the birth mother of Hip Hop! Gotta love her!

Viruses and Donuts

I meant to post a blog last night, but I got caught up in watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Brad Pitt takes precedence, trust!

Yesterday there was a Health Alert. New reports are suggesting that an airborne germ can be causing the obesity crisis around the world! According to these reports, up to one in three people who are carrying around extra weight may be able to attribute their obesity to the "highly infectious cold-like virus, known as AD-36." All this time I thought I was gaining weight due to fatty, fried foods and not exercising! I love any opportunity to not take responsibility. I am not responsible for the tire around my waist...I'm almost sure I've come across this virus.

I pondered this whole virus thing while making my way to a meeting. First, I stopped in our cafe to grab a sandwich. The guy making my sandwich tried to sabotage me. " French roll? Do you want more cheese? Avacado? Are you sure that's all?" I grabbed my extra cheese and avacodo on a french roll sandwich and stood in line. On the way to the register I tried to excercise some will power. It is very difficult for me to have a sandwich with out a side of chips. I was hoping the crisp lettuce in my sandwich would suffice for my need to cruch. Then I saw it-the freshly stocked display of chips next to the register. Ruffells, Doritos and Fritos, oh my! Why can't will power be a virus?! Then I could say, "no, no chips for me, I caught that will power." I gave in and got Sun Chips, thinking I was doing good.

Before I reached the meeting destination I had to walk down a long hallway past the elevators. You wouldn't believe what I ran into. Three long tables topped with nice white linen, coffee and tea carafes and 10 (I counted) boxes of donuts and one empty box that was labeled, "donut holes". If I wasn't carrying my lunch, lemonaide, notepad and wallet, I would've grabbed one. How could I resist fried dough covered in sugar?

I was the first to arrive to the meeting. Little by little everyone rolled in with their lunches in hand. I loved the woman that sat across from me. She had two small containers from the cafe. One was filled with steamed vegetables and the other with steak fries. It looked liked she was dipping her french fries in pesto sauce?! I made a mental note to try that. I loved her lunch. The other two women across from me clearly took advantage of the tostada bar at the commissary. I couldn't believe how piled high their containers were. It looked as if they frosted the top of their tostadas with sour cream. I'm awful. I told them, "There are donuts out there." Misery loves company.

So, today I decided to turn over a new leaf! I packed a bag of healthy treats. Baby carrots, tangerines, some cherries and then a Lean Cuisine for lunch. As I was turning on my computer and getting my day started my boss breezes by my office door..."Hey Lady! There are donuts in the conference room!" Fried dough again?! I had to get up and look at them. I have a thing for how foods are displayed. Plating is so important when cooking. There they were...two pink boxes filled with a variety of colorful, sugary donuts all nicely packed in rows. I decided to use my birthday as an excuse to have one. I mean, you can't deprive yourself on your birthday. Plus, I felt like I was balancing it all out by having a cup of green tea and a tall glass of water. A little good, a little bad. Then I wrote a note to myself to call my doctor today. I want to know if there is some form of antibiotic for this virus. Preferably something in a pill form and not diet and exercise. Under my note about the doctor I also jotted down, "get pesto from the store".

Hell In A Hand Basket

Five days a week and sometimes six, I battle Lenny Kravitz. I thought if I set his "Good Morning" song on my alarm, it would make waking up a bit easier. So at 5:30 AM I hear, "Get up, get your feet on the ground. Wake up to a nice cold shower. The coffee's warm, but the cream is sour, so GET UP!..." It's not any easier to get up and honestly I can't stand hearing him. I'm beginning to not like him at all. Before his song was my alarm, you couldn't tell me he wasn't one of the sexiest men in the world. I press snooze every 10 minutes until I have no choice but to give in and then the rush begins. I don't know how I have good days because my mornings are always frantic, rushed and irritating. I have the nerve to get pissed off about not being able to lie in bed and be lazy. I repeat and repeat and repeat the same commands and reminders to Keona, "brush your teeth, hurry up, get your lunch, put on lotion, etc." I'm sure she's sick of hearing me like I am of Lenny Kravitz. Then we head down grid locked Slauson to get on the grid locked 405. Damn daily routine. By the time I drop Keona off it would be safe to say I cursed out a good 5 people either out loud or in my mind. All this and I haven't even made it to the good ole job.

Today I went to the Green Expo with a couple of coworkers. As I walked to our meeting place it was raining. I actually like when I have a chance to break out my "It's raining couture" Juicy umbrella. I feel cute with it?! As I was walking I saw the most adorable Asian girl with her Dad. She must go to the on lot day care. For a few seconds I fantasized about having a baby with an Asian man and wondered if I'd have a cuter baby with a Korean, Chinese or Japanese dude. I snapped out of it as two guys walked by me sharing an umbrella. For some reason I watched them and thought-that is so weird. Guys share umbrella space? It wasn't storming outside. These were clearly two coworkers. I meant to ask a guy friend if he'd huddle under an umbrella with a coworker to get from one building to another. I don't know about that.

The expo was cool. I did see one thing that pretty much grossed me out. There was a booth demonstrating a detoxing machine that uses ionic waves in water to release the toxins in your body. You sit in a chair for 30 minutes and and soak your feet in what looks like a pedicure spa. The water starts out clear, but after awhile it turns colors as the toxins release. This woman was sitting there and her water looked as if her feet were submerged in diarrhea. I was trying to pay attention to the information on the benefits of this machine, but I was completely mortified. They asked me if I had 30 minutes to try it out. I kindly declined, but in my mind I thought, "hell no!" I couldn't get away fast enough. On the ride back to work I still wondered wtf was that?

While back in my office the normal was happening. My TV was turned to ole Tyra again. My coworker asked me why I still watch it even though I complain about it every day. My response? "Because I don't have a remote." I can't get my over-weight butt up and use one finger to turn the channel?! I deserve to watch bad TV. Just this past week I watched people who have weird cravings. There was a woman that had to have a 10 pound hair ball removed from her stomach. She would constantly eat her hair. One woman would eat half a roll of toilet paper a day. Another would scratch her scalp to make scabs and then eat them. Today's show was a repeat of polyamorous couples. This is a new term I learned a couple of weeks ago when the episode first aired. It's a lifestyle for "respectful non monogamy". OMG. Oh, yeah on the second airing of Tyra today (yes there are two) they showed bisexuals who were married and men that did gay porn, but are straight. One guy was married with 3 kids. His wife didn't mind because she is bisexual too. Why would they get married? Then again, they do have things in common.

Somehow during all of this I got my work done and then went down the hall for a surprise "farewell" party for a coworker. She's been a temp in our department for a year. I really wish people would ask me to help during the setup of these parties. I don't think it's cool to have a nice cheese platter, but just open two boxes of crackers and put it to the side. The wine was peculiar. First, it was a chilled red wine. Yes, chilled. Secondly it was really sweet like Welches grape juice. Three people in the office thought it tasted like communion wine.

We wanted to take a group photo so a coworker ran over to payroll to get someone to take the shot. The person she got happens to have a wandering eye. I'm not clowning since my baby's daddy has that same kind of eye, just not as bad. I felt awful as he struggled to take the picture. He closed the eye and tried to focus. I think he was all too nervous about it because he had to take it over due to his shaking hand. The worst part was when the UPS guy came in to pick up packages and a couple people yelled for him to come and take the picture! OMG! Did they not realize they were insulting the payroll guy?! Poor guy said he got the picture and then we all dispersed. Two minutes later we had to gather up again and have the UPS guy take the picture. When we looked at the two pictures the payroll guy took they were blurry, almost like we were in motion. Leave him. He thought he took two good pictures.

After the picture posing, I wrestled a couple crackers out of the box, grabbed a cheese cube and drank my grape juice communion wine while listening to a coworker tell me why she and her boyfriend broke up. I had to ask since I noticed her status on facebook changed to "single". She was dating a guy that works in our building. I kept sipping the wine while trying to understand the logic in the breakup. He didn't trust her and believes she's been cheating on him during their entire 7 month relationship. She went back home to NY for the holidays. He told her that when she got back and they had sex, her "stuff" was tight. I'm still mind boggled over that logic. I had to ask her twice...did he mean "loose"? No, I heard her correctly, "tight". Because her stuff was tight, he thought she was cheating. At that point I almost wished I was back at the expo trying out the detox machine. TMI.

Why.

I decided to start a blog for several reasons. First, I need a place to purge all of the random $h*t that crowds my brain! Also, you never know, you may just get a great recipe out of me on here. I have countless memories I want to record, crazy friends to write about and topics that simply need to be pondered. So, this is it...you're in the mind of the Tastemaker!

I decided to name my catering company the Tastemaker because I thought it was clever. Normally a tastemaker influences fashion or art. Well, the culinary arts are my fashion, honey, and I wear it well. I have a way of making your taste buds dance and influencing your cravings. Honestly, my cooking comes from my heart and it is my pure passion and my heart's joy to feed people. It is my creative outlet.

Keona.

I just showed Keona my blog site and she asked me to put her name on here, so there it is. Through my blogs you will no doubt get to hear all of her crazy stories and all of the "keonaisms". She has a language of her own sometimes and I love it. Here's something to share...when I picked her up from school on the 20th, she was excited to discuss the Inauguration and our new President. She asked me, "Mom, will Obama lower the prices on Nintendo DS's and iPhones?" WTF?! Is that my daughter's concern?! She said that she needs a new DS and when she gets older she's going to want an iPhone. I was over her.

The Day After

Yesterday was THE day. The day that our new President took office. Just remembering his stride down the hallway, the look he gave Michelle, the pride on her face - makes me want to cry, scream and jump for joy. Our President, Barak Obama, the first African American President of the free world has resuscitated a country that desperately needed hope, desperately needed a change. I am proud.

I wondered so many things as I watched our First Family. They inspire me. They are real. They appear to be perfect and at the same time I can still imagine them going through the normal things we all do...irritations, stress, so much to do, so little time. I wondered what they ate that morning. Did Michelle have a different outfit on and then decide to change? She nailed it in that green dress and coat. Timeless, effortless, simply divine. What did they say to each other as they were all ready and walked out the door?

I am inspired by this family, especially Michelle. Barak gives me hope...not just for our country, our economy, our environment, but hope in a Man. Boy did I need that hope! Today the journey begins. The balls are over. The millions have cleared. I'm committed, inspired, recharged and ready. I believe in our leader and pray for him and the challenges at hand.