Over The Edge

I just read a story about a 37 year old woman who handcuffed herself to her husband so she can have a conversation with him without him leaving. She changed the locks on the house and handcuffed herself to him while he slept on Monday night. She also bit him on the torso and the arms. He awoke and had to use a cell phone to call the police. When they arrived they heard his screams from inside.

Relationships are tough, especially when they end or when you feel the end is near. It's funny that I can feel that woman's pain. I've been desperate before. If that woman's husband is anything like Keona's Dad, then I can totally understand the need for the handcuffs! Sometimes there is no other way to get someone to STOP and LISTEN! I know better, though. I wouldn't handcuff myself to someone who is crazier than me!

I've taken the past year to get over my last relationship. That doesn't mean I was longing for the relationship to continue for the past year. I've just taken the past year to reevaluate my life and what I want out of a partner or future husband. The relationship with my ex really took it's toll on me, my heart, my feelings and my self esteem. Even though I knew the relationship needed to end, I wasn't the one to call it quits. He has since moved on and I can't help but to feel a bit of pistivity over it. I don't miss him. I don't reminisce over our relationship. I don't want him back. This is the confusing part to me. I'm still so incredibly bitter towards him. I usually think love and hate are two sides of the same coin, but in all honesty this is not the case. I guess I'm more or less upset that I didn't end the relationship on my terms. I spent so much time, energy AND money on him. When I noticed his relationship status change on Facebook (gotta love it) and the comment from his new "boo" I was angrier than I wanted to be. I felt slighted. I felt like he could use a swift kick in the fucken ass or hot knives to his eyes or at the very least spit in the face. Whoa. I don't even have these bitter feelings about Keona's father...why him? Why do I feel this way?

I guess I just can't stand feeling used...and that is what I feel...used. When he broke up with me, I felt like a good friend just turned his back on me...the ultimate betrayal. I was there for him like no other and he broke my heart. I feel his intentions were ill. I was even told his intentions were calculated. I guess I just answered my own question on why I feel this way.

I guess the old saying is true, though. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I have grown and learned so much since then and I know I will never be used again.

No handcuffs!